oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
