Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
