I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
