We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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