The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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