i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
