walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
