i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
