Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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