guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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