Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I love having hate sex.
should my penis look like a turkey
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
