I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Panties = found
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
