I'm lost and stupid without you.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
