Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My breasts were aching with rage.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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