party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I have demons in me.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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