Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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