I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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