I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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