You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
