I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sext me about skeletons
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
