I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
