i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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