I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
