When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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