the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
