I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
