Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
