I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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