hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
