i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
