He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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