I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
