What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
