we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
