WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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