my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
