I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
