So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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