is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
