I just made out with a guy for $7.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
