Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
