apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
