Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
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