Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
