Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
