whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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