Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
