I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
