I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
