its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
