i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
