$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
